I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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