Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
