I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
