Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
