fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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