I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
