google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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