i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
