soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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