how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
