first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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