Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
how does that bad decision feel?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
