walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
