just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
