12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
