According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
