I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
