Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just blew my weed a kiss
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
