He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
