I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
