and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
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I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
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Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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