RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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