I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
