I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
