I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
