a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
