so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
