Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
