Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize