I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
