i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
