i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
