I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize