worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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