my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
