you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
