If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
pop tarts are not kleenex
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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