If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's never too late to be topless.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
there is puke in my bra ... again
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
