forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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