The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
