Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
