we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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