I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
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She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
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Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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