He uses pillows to masturbate.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
