my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
