You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
