put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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