very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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