Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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