plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
