I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sext me about skeletons
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
