tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
