I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear