just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
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Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
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I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".