Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
