i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Less talking, more tequila
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
