So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
