Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Randomize
