We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
