you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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