I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
