the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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